Gone too soon...

I logged onto facebook yesterday -as you do- and saw an RIP message on a friend's profile. This message caught my attention because of the name of the person concerned. The friend on whose profile I read is, someone I met in the UK sometime in 2002, because we attend the same Church, and we soon became good friends. The person concerned is someone I met on holiday in 1996, and I would never have brought the two in connection with one another, so I sent a message to my friend asking where his 'friend' was, and how he knew her, hoping it would be one of those strange instances where people share the exact same first and last name, afterall, I've a few people like that, and they were not even remotely related to, nor knew about each other till I met them. I am yet to hear back from my friend...

Meanwhile, I dashed onto gmail, to find a mutual friend of the person concerned, and although she was not available at the time, I left a message requesting for our friend's married name. I then sent text messages to any and everyone I could think of that knew us both, hoping to get some sort of feedback, and praying fervently that 'no news is good news'. Our mutual friend replied saying she had heard the tragic news, and was still in shock over it. Apparently, the person in question passed away a week ago after a brief illness. I was so overwhelmed, I could not type for a minute or so. When I recovered, I probed a bit further, and it turned out she was suffering from an illness I had no idea about. It just made it so real at that moment that, it is possible to know someone, and not really know them. It also brought home the fact that we had lived side by side in the UK for almost two years, and I had not once spoken to her, or seen her. I always 'planned to surprise her one day' by tagging along with one of our mutual friends, but the cares and worries of this world always came between. I also realized that, as close as I am to some of our other friends, I've not physically seen them in months, some years, and I can't even say I know anything about their daily lives, talkless of their ills, discomforts, joys, sadnesses, etc.

Does that make us less or worse friends to each other? I really don't know. All I do know is that last week, a beautiful young daughter, mother, sister, wife, friend, cousin passed away and that was definitely not a part of her plan for her life. The one assurance I have, and I wish to share with all our friends is that: she has gone to a better place. She is free from the illness, the sick body, the pain. Sure, we will all miss her, but is it fair on her to be here with us and suffering so much pain? I don't know the answer to that. God's way is the only true and proper way, and I believe His will for her life was done, even in the short space of her 20 -odd years on earth. We should not be sad about her death, rather we should rejoice in the priviledge of knowing her, and travelling a part of her journey here with her, no matter how brief. I am glad to have known you, dear friend. May your soul rest in divine peace till we meet again. Much love to your family, now and always. It is well with you all!

public holidays et al

Yesterday, Friday was a public holiday here in Austria, and the whole city of Vienna was on holiday, I guess...

It was really quiet in an already quiet town, all the shops were closed for the day and the few people that ventured out didn't stay long either. By 11am when we headed out to Stockerau, a few more people had gathered round the train station. Stockerau was even more deserted than Vienna, and having fewer houses/inhabitants, the wind was much stronger and it felt colder than it actually was.

On arrival, we took a short walk across the city centre to our friends' place, and I got to see the beauty of this little place for the first time, in daylight. From the cute cinema, to the Church, to the Museum, and even a High School, I was just impressed with how untouched the whole place seemed by 'modern technology' and how peaceful it was to stroll through the town, hardly a soul, or car in sight. Again, I had the 'Faustus-moment' and quickly brushed it aside, expressing a silent gratitude for the essence of life, and my presence here instead.

We had fish, baked mushrooms, wild rice and 3 different types of salad as a main course, by the end of which I was more than full. Then we had tea, and I got an 'acupuncture session' which sent me straight to Noddyland... I woke up, and it was time to come back home. All in all, a relaxed, fulfilling national holiday, and I was glad to see my bed when I got home.

Today, Saturday, we went to the northern shopping centre with friends to do some shopping. I've always been an H&M girl, through and through, and I could not resist the impulse to walk in there, even if I knew I was not buying anything. Feeding one's eyes has never been a crime -that I know of anyway- so, off I went. Thank God my Dad was around, because an item or two did catch my attnetion, and was screaming to be taken off the hanger and straight into my wardrobe -unbelievable, how very vocal these things can be!!!

We got back, had lunch and now I'm feeling an afternoon nap coming on....

Home is where the heart is...

I was 'encouraged' by an old friend to come and visit for the evening as she calls it, and blackmailed into leaving my house as I call it. She lives in a town in Lower Austria called St. Poelten, and one thing led to another, I missed the fast train, which normally covers the journey in just under 40minutes, and took a regional train on which the journey lasted 90mins.

On arrival, the first thing she told me was 'you are staying'! All you need is a change of clothes to sleep in, and you can leave anytime tomorrow. It was raining, she is the boss, on her turf, I wasn't going to argue with her. She owns the ONLY African/Caribbeab store in the whole town, and it has become more of a meeting point for almost every black inhabitant of that town from what I witnessed. It's a cute little place packed with afro hair and beauty products, food from all over the continent, and of course, drinks specific to our needs -malt, soursop, coconut and pineapple, I think I even caught a glimpse of 'Nigerian Guinness'

So, contrary to plans, I stayed over, and spent the best part of yesterday with her and her family, and came back to Vienna in the evening, to dine with a dear friend and brother in his new flat... Dinner consisted of fish he had caught himself(!), baked with aubergines, couscous and veggie sauce. It was delightfully delicious...

I was so 'full up' I could barely move, but the journey home had to be made, and I eventually left his place at around 10pm. Got home just before 11pm, and was so knocked out, all I wanted to see was my bed...

Day 1 @ home

I arrived safely yesterday morning, and it has been a dream come true. Home IS where the heart lies, and I definitely appreciate being home again.

I was picked up from the airport by my family, and driven straight home. On getting there, my Dad was on hand to help with offloading my stuff, and the others were immediately discharged. This is the first time I am seeing my Dad this year, so we had enough to catch up on. It turns out he is off work the whole of this week, so I will be seeing a lot of him around the house -that's certainly a relief. As much as I want my peace and quiet, just knowing that another living soul is within these four walls is a good thing for the soul.

We spent the rest of the day talking about evcerything you could possibly imagine, and had guests in the afternoon. We continued our catch up session after the guests left, and had a late dinner at a local restaurant. Today, I just stayed indoors and wrote... I also tried revising for the (driving) theory est, but wasn't quite feeling that, and soon went back to writing. Tomorrow, I will venture out. I will take some pictures of this amazing city to share with you here then. Till then, it's Gute Nacht from me.

5 years on...

Exactly five years ago today, I had what I thought would be a life ending encounter with a certain vehicle just outside a North London tube station...

What the enemy meant for evil, God has turned around for my good. I am currently in a place I consider to be my HOME, here on earth anyway -since the only true home we all have is in God- and I would not wish to be anywhere else on a day like today.

A lot of events have occured, friends have come and gone, relationships have started and ended, and through it all, I've come to realize that I am truly blessed, and therefore NO MAN, I repeat NO MAN can touch, break, destroy or kill me. I am also now fully appreciating that NO CIRCUMSTANCE is beyond God's capacity to do good, or turn things around.

Biodap, I started that book... I will be posting snippets of it from now on, and looking forward to your critical analysis of it. I wish you well, my friend.

To everyone that has walked with me over the past five years, a sincere tHaNk YoU from the bottom of my heart. I value your friendship, I appreciate you, I pray God's blessings upon your life forever and ever

He is with me, ALWAYS

Psalm 121

¹I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.

²My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth.

³He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber.

⁴Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.

⁵The LORD is thy keeper: the LORD is thy shade upon thy right hand.

⁶The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night.

⁷The LORD shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul.

⁸The LORD shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore.

the timeframe between a problem and its solution, is equivalent to the distance between one's knees and the floor...

Have I mentioned before that I am number ONE at beating myself up? Believe me no-one does that better than I do! When it rains, it pours...it has been pouring merciless showers of bad encounter after bad encounter in my life and I am beginning to feel really sorry for myself.

I was having a less than average day to start with, and then someone I considered to be a good friend did some things to rile me up, and my day went from bad to worse. It was as if someone came at me with a sharp edged sword, thrust it in and twisted it over and over again. My chest felt tight, and and I could not breathe for about half a second. I physically felt my heart break, and the pieces scattered all around my stomach and upper ribcage. I could feel my ribcage caving into my back and generally felt weak, and sick to the core of my being. I felt betrayed, I felt exposed, and most of all, I felt discouraged. It just made me remember where I was two months ago, and how I felt about it. It was as if I was going through another break up. Right there and then, I knew this relationship had run its course. For that loss, I cried... I wept in my spirit till I could not bear it anymore, then I got down on my knees and prayed. I don't even know the exact words I prayed, I just got down there, and cried out to God in my Spirit...

I asked for Him to take away the hurt, the anger, the pain, and mend my broken heart, heal my wounded parts. I felt a lot better, and went back to my desk. Though the situation is unresolved, in my mind, it is done, FINISHED, over. It is well, time to move on. It came home to me more than ever that there is only so much love you can pour into a person, if they are not pouring back into you, you've just got to let go. There is only so much trust you can put in another human being, if it is not reciprocated, it's time to move on. You've got to make up your mind to BE happy, and work hard to STAY happy, regardless. For the sake of my peace of mind, I opt out of this friendship, I am definitely taking the highway, and I am looking to God for strength, and the staying power to get over even this. I am only now beginning to realize, just how resilient I am, actually. The things I think would break me, and I avoid doing, have 'happened to me', and I am here to tell the story. What makes me think I am weak, or fragile, or vulnerable? Nevertheless, NOT I, but Christ in me, my assurance of victory over tribulations and trials of this world. I am hanging on to my faith, clinging on to my hope, believing HIM for my testimony, ON MY KNEES!

Infinity: Only Praise

I'm feeling this song right now. Only praise CAN take me higher, I am grateful for divine favour!

Olori Oko (Infinity)

the King is coming..

Infinity ---- Aye Ole

nuff said

Nicole C. Mullen - Call On Jesus

..all things are possible

Nicole C. Mullen-Redeemer

MY redeemer lives...

Stand - Donnie McClurkin

I've done all that I can, now I am just STANDing...

Pastor Marvin Winans and Pastor Donnie McClurkin

morning by morning, new mercies I see...all I have needed His hands have provided. Great is MY God's faithfulness unto me

Donnie McClurkin

Our God is a good God, YES he is! He lifted me up,turned me around, set my feet on higher ground...

donnie mcclurkin ooh child

This is my assurance of faith. No matter what I am going through right now, things are going to get easier...

Gabriellle - Out Of Reach

Speaks from my heart...

Divine peace

Finding time to blog is getting increasingly difficult. Moreso because I have made up my mind to get off the internet by 11pm daily from now on. This whole internet social networking stuff can be addictive, and is seriously messing with my schedules both literally and metaphorically speaking.

I find myself sleeping at odd hours, waking up at the same time each morning though, and feeling so lethargic for the better part of the day. It is also preventing me from doing basic things like working out first thing in the mornings, and slowly eating into my meditation time as well. Now that, is a sign of impending danger, and I know it.

Yes, I am always out and about; always upbeat, and could wake up from deep slumber and be 'wide awake' and 'ready to party' in an instant, what really keeps me going, is the solid assurance that God is on my side, and His spirit is inside of me. When I can't/don't find the time to communicate with Him, I make decisions that impact negatively on my life, and have extremely dire consequences. A song comes to mind which says: 'in the calm if your presence, I am listening Lord, I am still, I am quiet, I am yours' That song speaks from my heart... It's in the quiet times, when you are really still and open, and receptive that you can hear God's voice properly.

I feel like I've been through a fire, and come out victorious. I also feel like I have been put through a coaching session for a specific test, and the test date suddenly got changed to an earlier date. I have been reading and meditating about a lot of issues lately, especially relational. I have listened to countless messages about this topic as well, and they have helped me through what promised to be a rough patch. Now when I think I am back on my feet, I suddenly find myself in a situation where it seems like all I have learnt so far is being put to test, and I just can't remember any of what I have learnt.

It's funny how just a few weeks back, I was convinced that there must have been something wrong with me for a relationship that lasted nearly two years to crumble around me. Now, I am convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is nothing wrong with me, there was something wrong with the situation, and even that, was not my fault. I was emotionally abused, yes, but I enabled that abuse, I allowed it. The real test, is in moving on from that, getting over it and keeping the memory as a valuable life lesson. I know I am no longer the person I was before I got deeply involved in that situation. I also know that I am no longer the person I was within that relationship. I am on my way back to me, it's alright, and I will eventually find my feet again. Until then, this young lady is enjoying being separate, unique and whole in God- a true single.

So, with all the up and down, here and there, my one true joy, is in being by myself, alone, with my God, in the comfort of my home, conversing with Him freely. Then, I am at peace, I am content, I am happy. I wish you the same!

My fun filled first October weekend

Here I was promising to tell you about my weekend and the next one is upon us already!

Friday was a great day! I went to work as usual, came home with my adopted babysis, dressed up and went to pick up a darling friend and his guest -visiting from the US of A... We went to NTYCE for Nigeria Independence Day preParty, and at midnight we were amongst the first to arrive. Awkwardly, we made our way to what seemed like a cosy corner of the room and settled into the odd looking seats available there. So we sat there, and there was a cold breeze coming in from I don't know where, that I had to go out and get my jumper...

Things eventually picked up around 2am, and I danced like I haven't danced in years. Again, I have the to say neither the venue, nor the crowd was my scene, but the company MORE THAN made up for it. We sure had a lot of fun once the music kicked in. To top it all up, there was a surprise performance by Sir Shina Peters... At the end of the night, we went to drop off my friend and his guest, then headed home. We had made plans to have breakfast at 11am with the guys, so they could go on and shop, and I could braid my sis' hair. Well, I woke up at 1pm and it took me almost a half hour to get out of bed. When I eventually did, we made pancakes and I called the guys to reschedule for a lunch meeting. We then started braiding.

We took a brief break when the guys arrived, had lunch with them and continued. We finished just before 10pm, and had to get dressed -again- to go for a friend's birthday party across town. On the way there, we picked up my soulsistah, my sister in spirit, one who makes me laugh uncontrollably, even AT MYSELF and I just knew the outing would be fun, either way. Trust me, it was. We had a great time, the music was fun, the food was fab and the atmosphere was generally so relaxed, we could not have asked for more. At the end of the night, we dropped my friends off one by one, and headed home for a few hours' rest. Got up and headed straight to the guys' place, to drive our 'guest' to the airport and bid him farewell.. back to the US.

From the airport, we headed back to my friend's place, and I just crashed out on his over-comfy bed. He woke up at some point and cooked a fantastic lunch, and I admit I overate, but it was fingerlicking good, and my appetite has never been known to suffer any setbacks. It's now almost 2am and if I don't hit the sack pretty soon, I may not sleep at all again this weekend, we have a few things lined up! More on that later....