Tough times don't last, but tough people do

That's what my sweet darling AA told me a few days ago in response to an apology I sent him by text following a conversation that started out great, and descended into a heated discussion, and being the gentle soul that he is, he just appeased me...

On reflection, I realized I had been aggressive, and reacting to the things he was saying based on the way I was feeling generally about other things. Just two days before, I had a very passionate conversation with another friend which ended up on a negative note. He also apologized for 'whatever he had done wrong' and on reflection, and having had conversations with some other than myself about it, I realize that I was reacting to him based on a past experience, and KNEW I had to go back and apologize to him. Now, whatever people may say, pride is stronger than most other traits.

So I've found myself apologizing over the past couple of days, and I actually feel better for it. It is obvious that I am 'reacting' to people around me because of my own inner 'battles' and a general discontent with my status quo. What I cannot really pinpoint, is WHY I am feeling this way, and why at this point in time. Realizing the root cause of my behaviour is one thing, having to explain it to someone else is another. When AA sent me the reply above, I almost broke down in tears. I was just overwhelmed at the confidence he had in me, as a 'tough person' because God knows I don't feel that way at all right now. I feel overwhelmed, I feel like the clouds are hanging over me, it's as if something unpleasant is lurking around the corner, waiting to happen. Worrier that I am, I am already bothered about that negative occurence.

Thank God for friends like AA, who lift me up when I'm down, who believe and trust in me, regardless. I am also greatful to my other friend, who not only accepted my apology, but also empathized with my root cause for concern. You KNOW who you are... THANK YOU. Circumstances are similar, but people are different and it's time to begin living and enjoying life again. So what if I trust someone, love them and have them betray me??? Well, it is better to have loved and lost, than not to have ever experienced love at all. Love is a wonderful thing, and it sure does NOT hurt. God is love, and I want to be more like Him.

So, regardless of my 'feeling' I recognize that I am tough, because this God who loves and cares for me, placed that strength to overcome 'ALL THINGS' within me from creation. I KNOW that I know that my redeemer lives and replenishes my strength daily.

it's been a while

It has sure been a while since I last posted something. In that time, a lot has happened to me, and to people around me. A dear friend lost two family members within 24 hours, my girlfriend was buried along with her unborn child, I've had my car vandalized...

Throughout all these, the one constant in my life, has been God. If it had not been for Him, I don't know where I would be. It's like sometimes I feel that life is closing in on me. I see huge, dark clouds on my horizon, I feel lost within my own despair and depression, and begin to think there is no tomorrow, that all this sadness will engulf me and turn me into a prozac dependent long term resident of a mental ward in some East End hospital...

Somehow, somewhere, I receive a verse in the mail, or by text, and it speaks to my situation. I do my daily devotions so half heartedly some mornings, and STILL something always stays with me for the rest of the day. That something carries me through that day, and I am grateful because I know that it is God speaking to my situation.

I haven't written in a while because I have been going through a metamorphosis. I feel like I have been 'reborn' Like a new phase has started in my life, and I can't wait to share all the exciting things along this journey. In particular, I had a chat with a man of God the other day, and it was a real eye-opener. It made me think about 'names' and their significance, especially in Yoruba culture. It also made me think of a term in German 'Rufname' which means the name by which you are called -this may not necessarily be your given name- and I to think hard about my 'Rufname' and my given name...

Once I have his express permission to share that chat, I will. Otherwise, I will just write around it. It was very insightful though, so I would love to share with you. Watch this space...

What's your signature?

I was chatting with a brother -friend, a man of God a while ago, and next to his 'id' was the following statement: 'you cannot truly witness till you have truly witnessed' Not only did his 'id' catch my attention, this statement definitely made me stop and think, and the following chat ensued...

http://fola77.blogspot.com/ says: itz soooooooooo true, datz wot i keep tellg pple who 'ooh' and 'aaah' me abt my foot if i don't really understand pain, how can i help pple overcome their pain?
n who says i can't b useful 'despite' a dis-ability?
Flowing River says: true
http://fola77.blogspot.com/ says: i believe Jacob had a mobile dis-ability afta his encounter wit d angel of God...?
http://fola77.blogspot.com/ says: rite, Pastor?
Flowing River says: rite my daughter
http://fola77.blogspot.com/ says: d Bible didn't mention his disjointed foot bein healed, eva
Flowing River says: nope
http://fola77.blogspot.com/ says: so, there's my testimony!
http://fola77.blogspot.com/ says: lol
http://fola77.blogspot.com/ says: hahaha
Flowing River says: it became his signature
http://fola77.blogspot.com/ says: thx, Pastor
http://fola77.blogspot.com/ says: dis sure cld b mine, rite?
http://fola77.blogspot.com/ says: when I 'become'
Flowing River says: a mark to remind him of his encounter and the blessing
http://fola77.blogspot.com/ says: amen 2 dat
Flowing River says: Some marks remind us of shame
Flowing River says: some of victory
http://fola77.blogspot.com/ says: hmmm, u're givg me inspiration 4 my blog
http://fola77.blogspot.com/ says: keep it comg
http://fola77.blogspot.com/ says: lol
Flowing River says: Some invite people to ask...how did that happen
Flowing River says: and we get another opportuity to share a testimony of God's saving grace
Flowing River says: COPYRITE!
http://fola77.blogspot.com/ says: hmm
http://fola77.blogspot.com/ says: food 4 thot
Flowing River says:!

I will let this stand as it is...