Tough times don't last, but tough people do

That's what my sweet darling AA told me a few days ago in response to an apology I sent him by text following a conversation that started out great, and descended into a heated discussion, and being the gentle soul that he is, he just appeased me...

On reflection, I realized I had been aggressive, and reacting to the things he was saying based on the way I was feeling generally about other things. Just two days before, I had a very passionate conversation with another friend which ended up on a negative note. He also apologized for 'whatever he had done wrong' and on reflection, and having had conversations with some other than myself about it, I realize that I was reacting to him based on a past experience, and KNEW I had to go back and apologize to him. Now, whatever people may say, pride is stronger than most other traits.

So I've found myself apologizing over the past couple of days, and I actually feel better for it. It is obvious that I am 'reacting' to people around me because of my own inner 'battles' and a general discontent with my status quo. What I cannot really pinpoint, is WHY I am feeling this way, and why at this point in time. Realizing the root cause of my behaviour is one thing, having to explain it to someone else is another. When AA sent me the reply above, I almost broke down in tears. I was just overwhelmed at the confidence he had in me, as a 'tough person' because God knows I don't feel that way at all right now. I feel overwhelmed, I feel like the clouds are hanging over me, it's as if something unpleasant is lurking around the corner, waiting to happen. Worrier that I am, I am already bothered about that negative occurence.

Thank God for friends like AA, who lift me up when I'm down, who believe and trust in me, regardless. I am also greatful to my other friend, who not only accepted my apology, but also empathized with my root cause for concern. You KNOW who you are... THANK YOU. Circumstances are similar, but people are different and it's time to begin living and enjoying life again. So what if I trust someone, love them and have them betray me??? Well, it is better to have loved and lost, than not to have ever experienced love at all. Love is a wonderful thing, and it sure does NOT hurt. God is love, and I want to be more like Him.

So, regardless of my 'feeling' I recognize that I am tough, because this God who loves and cares for me, placed that strength to overcome 'ALL THINGS' within me from creation. I KNOW that I know that my redeemer lives and replenishes my strength daily.