Trey and I - the story continues...

I was not sure what to do with this newfound knowledge. What had the ex replied? Were they starting off where they left off -if they ever left off at all- where was I in that relationship, but most of all, where was God in that situation? One thing was clear in my confused mind, the ex factor was not an issue. Trey was my problem, and it needed solving.

Now, a lot of things had been happening between Trey and I. His Mum had gotten involved months prior, and from the conversation we had that day I had come to see her as a rare gem and had a lot of respect for her opinion. Trey and I had been having bad arguments. As with every relationship, you reach a point where you either move forward -take the plunge and get hooked- or break up. Trey made it clear in no uncertain terms that there were certain things about my character that had to be changed before we could move forward. He told me it was my fault we were stuck in a rut, that my stubborness and refusal to change were preventing us from moving forward, and until I change, we won't. I would love to tell you that I kicked his sorry behind to the kerb, picked myself up, dusted his memory off my coat and moved on with my life. Well, no, I didn't. Instead, I looked high and low for answers, how to change in order to 'please my man'. It all sounds funny now that I am recounting it. Looking back, it seems really stoopid, but hey,..

When my poor little heart just could not take any more, I just called his mother and poured out my heart to her. She asked me what it was that he didn't like. She advised me to change those things. She said, being a mother herself, to THREE daughters, she would tell me the same things she would tell any of her daughters: BE PATIENT, HOLD YOURSELF BLAMELESS. That touched a nerve. She said, whatever you do, make sure it cannot be said in future that you were to blame for this or that. Besides, you are the woman, we women have to be patient. Afterall, I was sitting here minding my business when he called and told me he had met the woman he would marry. He also told me you guys were having some difficulties, but I am sure you will work it out. What God has ordained, no man or spirit can undo. Just be patient, listen to him and do what pleases him. Wiiiiiiiiiiise words, huh?

In the midst of all the brouhaha, I was PATIENT. While he emotionally blackmailed and verbally abused me, I WAS patient. Even when he tore my dreams apart, lay into my personality and killed my zest for life, I WAS patient. Until the day I saw that e-mail and realized I'd been played for a fool all along.

On reading that e-mail, I figured one e-mail ALWAYS deserves another, so of course I did my homework and it turned out that not only had he been e-mailing proposals to his ex, he had actually discussed the whole issue in detail with his brother-in-law, who in turn had called d young lady in question and had had words with her about how serious he was now as a human being and how honest his intentions were towards her. Well, what can a young woman do? So I called him. I don't know why, nor had I prepared a 'speech'. I just wanted to hear his side of the story before making up my mind. Afterall, I was no stranger to this gentleman!

A proverb in Yoruba goes thus: the one whom we called to blow air into our eye when we had a speck in it, crushed chilli peppers in his mouth beforehand... I spoke to the gentleman as if I had no idea he was involved. I told him what I had read, and the plans we had made for me to go and see his mother-in-law. I told him I have a lot of respect for him, and know he was in a position to speak to Trey, and that he should speak to him, and tell him to make up his mind ether way. there is no point going to meet his mother, raising everyone's hopes, only for him to turn around a few months down the line and walk his ex down the aisle. Fact is, whoever he brings home, WILL be welcomed by his family. The brother-in-law replied: well, when a lady is nearing thirty, it is getting late. You are right, there is no need to visit my in-law. In fact, I am hearing for the first time that Trey is still in touch with that particular young lady. I do know her, but I know her because they used to date some years back, and I met her at the time. I WILL talk to him, but the only thing I can't do, is come back and tell you what he said. I leave it to him to sort you out.

I packed my bags, cooked and ate dinner with Trey, and lay down beside him to sleep while we discussed what would happen while I was away. Well, I spoke and he just listened, and eventually dozed off. I so badly wanted to confront him, but there was a still, small voice telling me to hold my peace, there was no need to go away with anger/strife in the air. So I heeded that voice, went abroad without ever discussing what I had read with Trey.

When I arrived, it was soooooooo hot and there was such a long queue and there are so many other things that came up that I won't bore you with. So anyway, we came out of the airport and there were too many of us, including baggage to fit into one car, so we hired a cab as a second car. Halfway down to our destination the car gave up the ghost and I was too tired to be scared. The car got fixed, sort of, and we arrived safely at our destination. Our host gathered everyone around and we said a prayer before dinner. While she prayed, she specifically prayed for families, relationships, couples, and marriages... that was my undoing. Something inside me snapped, and I couldn't hold it together again.

Only one person noticed what I was going through. When that person asked me, I finally opened up my heart, and mouth, and spoke. As I spoke, the tears flowed freely and I was not even concerned about what it must have looked like to anybody else. For the first time in my life, I really wished I was at home, safely, under my parents' roof, within the warm embrace of my family. At the same time, I was conscious that this is what growing up is all about. Flying the nest means not running back to Daddy and Mummy every time things get tough out there. My friend, whom I will always remember for that care and concern, and quick wit as well as discernment, gave me a few words of advice, and I stuck with his words. I cleaned myself up, had a shower and light dinner, joined the others for a few minutes of TV, then retired for the night.

Woke up the next morning and made arrangements for the rest of my stay, etc. Then set out on the journey to a different part of town to meet Trey's mother as arranged. It would be a huge disappointment, and MY FAULT had I not turned up as agreed. Add to that the fact that she was expecting me. I went down there, to fulfil all righteousness. All the way through, I prayed in my spirit. I tried to sleep, but was restless. I eventually picked up my cousin from a neighbouring town, and she was to be my escort for the journey. Trey's mother picked us up from the station with a friend, and that was the encounter of a lifetime. She was just as I had pictured her from the phone conversations we had been having. Beautiful inside and out, THE proverbs 31 woman. We arrived at Trey's family home too late to do anything but eat and sleep...